Everett Reporter Is Saved By Quick Action of Spiderman-like Super Hero
The reporter who shot this video for Everett Source could have been smooshed by a car had it not been for the person featured in this video, Bill Herzog. Bill looked down and saw the car coming and issued a loud warning to the reporter below just in time for the guy to move out of the way. We’d like to thank Mr. Herzog. Below is our tongue-in-cheek account.
(EverettSource Newswire, Everett, Washington) A reporter from EverettSource.com was strolling down Wall Street in downtown Everett, Washington and happened to gaze upward toward the beautiful blue sky that finally showed itself after weeks of gray dreary cloud cover.
Much to his surprise our media ace discovered what at first appeared to be nothing less than a spider-like man scampering across the sheer glass face of an Everett skyscraper (The multiple-story City Financial Department Building). This mysterious being moved vertically and horizontally along the face with such ease that it was if he was taking a casual walk through a park. Our enterprising reporter quickly whipped out his trusty cheapo video camera (we’re talking really cheap) and filmed away as this death-defying window glazier accomplishing his mission with a lofty flare for detail.
Our reporter filmed for about a minute, when this human anti-gravity expert looked down and suddenly screamed out a quick warning to jump back from the oncoming car that was about to plow into the unsuspecting inquisitor. In the nick of time, this formerly oblivious reporter reflexively leaped sideways and missed the front grill of the un-accommodating vehicle by mere inches.
After collecting his wits, the shaken reporter gazed upward at his elevated savior and then began thanking this protective glass-master for saving his life. He then (in typical crude-reporter fashion) saw opportunity in his near misfortune, and schemed to transform the experience into a good story for his online publication — Everettsource.com.
So he quickly regained composure and brazenly barked up a few basic questions to this maskless man (who did wear a hat). The superhero humbly obliged some answers while remaining undeterred in his mission to clear the delicate glass of the grit that fouls the smooth surface of our city’s grand buildings. Wouldn’t you know, it turns out this dirt-fighting savior was in actuality a human named Mr. Bill Herzog. He was not an immortal after all — but instead a highly physically fit and trained expert in resolving monumentally high challenges.
We’re creatively paraphrasing here but — with one of the most unique careers in the city, Bill said he would never give up his duty deterring the constant crimes that airborne filth perpetrates on the exoskeletons of Everett’s innocent buildings. The reporter pushed Herzog for the source of his powers of anti-vertigo and it turns out he trained deep in the Cascade Range decades ago as a solo rock climber — scaling the impossible cliff faces of mountain peaks.
This modern day James Bond said he has dedicated himself to his career for nearly 25 years now, and he never tires of it. Our reporter never pressed him about the exotic lifestyle he must lead as a person that can look into the face of death daily and yet never flinch, nor did he dare press this defender of justice about the intriguing adventures that must certainly be a part of this good samaritan’s life.
Beyond the satisfaction this working class hero extracts from doing his good deeds of ensuring a clean clear vision portal for the masses who reside in the tower’s he scales, he’s got a better view on life than most top executives could ever dream of having — and add to that the fact that he’s as free as a bird to move about his workplace at any time. And it matters not if he had beans for lunch because of the constant supply of fresh air high above the prevalent air currents that move across the ground – at least that’s what our reporter surmised.
They say the window is the vortex to the soul of a building, and with his specialized glass cleaning vision, Bill probably sees things from a perspective that no other man has ever gazed before. He’s always on the lookout and yet he’s always looking in. But, like the free man on the outside edge of a prison yard, he’s on the right side of that see-though wall of justice looking in with compassion at the economic captives. And his kind heart and compassionate soul ensure hope and peace of mind for those who cannot escape from their corporate cubicles into the fresh salt air that surrounds Herzog’s mobile perch.
Nowadays there simply are few heroes out there like (can we say “Captain”) Bill Herzog — so if you happen to be visiting the quaint metropolis of Everett, Washington, and see bystanders gasping for breath and frantically pointing upward, — well, you’ll probably hear them scream “it’s a bird . . . it’s a plane . . . no, it’s a big tree frog!”.
And trying to calm the frantic crowd below, this hatted maskless hero might simply beam his reassuring reply downward to the masses and reflectively reply “I’m not bird, nor plane, nor even a frog, it’s just little old me — Bill Herzog.”
We at Everett Source salute this humble hero — Herzog. And we second the “heartfelt thanks” of our far-sighted reporter (who also happens to be the editor) for Bill Herzog’s life-saving shout downward — and of course the resulting rescue from the evil smile of that wicked villain – known by so many as the Radiator Grill.
Don’t you just love Everett? Where else (except for New York, London, Paris, Moscow, Hong Kong, or maybe Butte, Montana) could you ever be exposed to such incredible life experiences?
Editor’s Note: Some sections and/or portions of this story may have been at least partially fabricated to ensure that the quasi-truth is dutifully reported to the Everett Source reader. However the basic story about the near mishap with the car and the shouted warning from Bill are non-fiction. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent … because that would be. . . well, just plain silly.